Mixed Messages

Just spent the evening in the most peculiar way.  My mom put me in a Mickey Mouse suit, gave me a bucket, and sent me out the door to go knocking on all of my neighbors door's asking for candy.  All I had to do was say "Trick-Or-Treat" then "Thank You".

WHAT?!

She spends 364 other days a year keeping candy from me and telling me to leave the neighbors alone.
Talk about mixed messages.
I am now trying to come out of the sugar coma from the 47 lbs of sugar I consumed in the form of full-size candy bars, multiple feet of licorice, and the 3 foot gummy-snake my mom got me.  That's right, the woman gave me three feet of chewy heaven & thought I would use my best judgement in "stopping when I had enough".  Don't you know "enough" to a two year old is when I fall to the floor in convulsions from the overdose of toxins.

Let's review...

1) Pretend to be somebody else. Check.

2) Get a bucket. Check.

3) Approach strangers and beg for food. Check.

4) As long as you say "Thank You", you can go to the next stranger and repeat step 3 until you're too cold to stay out any longer. Got it.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Underwear Pockets

BEST INVENTION EVER...Underwear pockets!  I don't know why they are placed in the front, it makes carrying things a bit awkward, but still awesome none the less.
So many perks...hiding my sister's "littlest pet shop" dogs, hanging an umbrella, placing lost change I come across, & the obvious, a convenient pocket to rest my tired hand in.
Like most cool things invented by a man with a man (or aspiring man) in mind I can't wait to see what other treasures it will hold and, more importantly, what other functions it possesses.

My Addiction

For those of you who are unaware of the addiction I have been fighting for over a year now, it's time I came clean and admitted that I may have a biting problem.  It's a tough battle that I fight every day, but I am working hard to overcome it.
I have been asked to "take a break" (my Mom calls it "getting kicked out") from two separate Gym daycare rooms, and my Mom is starting to blame my "illness" (A&E calls it that, so I will too) for the "extra-10" she's mysteriously packed on.
The only thing I have going for me is I usually let someone know it's coming (it's only fair) and then I willing put myself into a "Time-Out" (just cutting out the middle man).
Now, I'm not trying to justify the "why" (although I do believe I have a valid reason for each and every nibble...from self-defense to displaced shows of affection).
Nor will I point the finger at any particular influence.
But...

Lets call a spade a spade here, Folks.
This is an excerpt from my all-time FAVORITE book, "Hop On Pop".  I think the picture speaks for itself.
More critical analysis of this timeless classic in future posts...

Child Locks

The only thing that "child locks" on cupboards keep out are adults. I can squeeze my fat little nugget arm into the small gap & get out my arsenal of spray bottles anytime I feel the need for a little sniper-action.
My mom made the mistake of trying to confiscate my stolen bottle of Windex & I tagged her right between the eyes.
Stand back, Sista, I don't have to miss.

Boys & Girls Are Different

If you've ever wondered, "How old is too old for my children of the opposite sex to bathe together?"...
My mom thinks the answer is 2 years, 7 months & 4 days.

As you know, I am obsessed with my favorite boy part as well as my plump rump.  What boy isn't?
During a shower with my sister, I decided it was crucial to repeatedly point out the very obvious differences in our anatomy.  I'm not sure if you are aware, but we are NOT the same & I am very curious about that.
Then, during a game of "hide the dinosaur", my sister did not find it nearly as amusing as I that a very small brontosaurus fits perfectly between my butt cheeks (making the finding of said dinosaur nearly impossible, not to mention awkward for my sister).

I am going to investigate these differences further...I'll report back soon.
Stay tuned for my discoveries.

Trapped

I told my sister, "be dog in cage.".  The convincing was too easy, so I thought I would prolong the fun & sit my 33 lb body on top of the basket, rendering her trapped & unable to escape.  Super-Genius Brennan has outsmarted the 6  year old AGAIN! Score: Brennan=3, Riley=0.
Don't trust the innocent smile, I know exactly what I'm doing.

Naked Flash

When my mom came in to get me from my nap, I greeted her with a big smile & NOTHING else. I am now obsessed with being naked & lovin' it! As soon as she turns her head, it's off with the pants.  No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I always have time for a little naked flash around the house.
If she tries to make me descent again, I sit on the floor straight-legged, shove my undies between my thighs & clench. I wonder what else I can hide from her in there?
More tomorrow...

Roller Coaster

What do you get when you combine a laundry basket & stairs?  A homemade roller coaster , OF COURSE!  It wasn't until after scooting to the edge & launching that I considered breaks.  Don't worry, the front door halted all forward motion & I made sure to pad myself with my blanket and favorite stuffed animal, Fluff.  I am looking further into "Inventors-R-Us" for the development of basket air-breaks.  Maybe I'll get my sisters in on this idea, they are always full of great suggestions & willing to use me as a test dummy.

Rug Burn

I learned a very important lesson today...
Whey trying to escape from your mom after your bath, via sliding down the stairs feet-first on your belly at an extremely high speed, it is VERY IMPORTANT to remember underwear!  Rug burn is not fun.  It's especially unpleasant when it's under my Mickey Mouse undies.
Next time...turn over.

Women: Lesson 2

"Everything I need to know about women, I learned from THE B!"
Lesson 2:
While chillin' with my "neighborhood hottie", I turned my back on her for one second & BAM!  A chilly reminder as to why you never turn your back on a woman...especially if that lady has seen the pics you posted with your "out-of-neighborhood hottie."  Lesson learned.

Women: Lesson 1

I'm thinking of branching out to other blogs... coming soon:
"Everything I need to know about women, I learned from THE B!"
Lesson 1:
Show up unannounced at your lady's house on her birthday with flowers and a balloon.  When she answers (& all of her relatives HAPPEN to be there with her) give her the gifts, a kiss & then turn to leave.  After your mom straps you in your car seat, patiently wait 25 years until she's of-age to marry you.  In the mean time, add more shenanigans to The B-Blogs.
Hopefully she has forgiven (and forgotten) the minor infraction of biting her face (twice) you are guilty of...even if your shirt gives you away.

The Blender

Guess what happens when you reach your arm around your Mom really stealth-like to turn on a blender that has a metal spoon in it (while your Mom is standing right next to it, snapping the cup lid on the smoothie she just poured)?
After the shards of plastic stop flying, the glass pitcher has landed (in one piece, remarkably) & the smoothie has COVERED the room...your Mom starts to cry.  Then she starts talking about drinking...the smoothie all over her face must have made her thirsty.

Parmesan Cheese

Parmesan cheese...good on pasta, GREAT for dumping an entire can on a glass-top coffee table & driving my trains through!  It looks like the first tire tracks on freshly fallen snow.  How serene.
My moms reaction...not so serene.  Way to kill the mood, Lady.

Disappearing Act

She's on the brink folks...
My Mom thought she was going CRAZY when she swore (a few times) that I had shoes on when we left the house for the gymnastics open house, only to discover my bare feet and innocent smile when we arrived.  Little did she know that I did actually have them on, but she made the mistake of not locking the windows of the car, making my "disappearing act" possible.
My Dad had to go and foil my plot by finding them on the road right by our mailbox, AND he ratted me out.  Work with me, Man, we are on the same team.

Dads Turn

During a brief shopping trip to Meijer (there were only two items on his list), my Dad decided it would be quicker to NOT get a basket to contain me.  Mistake #1.
He successfully found the coffee with me in tow, and was off to the pop aisle.  While searching for the Coke, my Dad was momentarily distracted and took his eyes off me.  Mistake #2.
Luckily for me, the pop aisle is "built" from stacks of cases of pop with approximately 12 inches between between flavors.  I squeezed my body between the sprite & diet coke and sat very quietly.  Watching my Dad run up and down the aisles in a panic was more than I could handle, and I couldn't contain my laughter anymore.  It was the giggle that gave me away.  He finally found my awesome hiding place and my gig was up.  Just a little taste of what I dish out to my Mom daily.
Lesson learned.

Dips

Like the juice-heads before me, the decline after a 'roid high has been dramatic and brutal.  I have been a certifiable A-Hole all week.  From taking my shoes off in stores & maliciously throwing them at unsuspecting passer-byers, to sneaking up behind my sisters and pulling them to the ground by their hair.
I have also discovered the joy of some new-found strength.  Because my rear is smaller than the opening of the commode, I have to support myself with stiff arms while sitting upon it.  The strength comes in the form of my new favorite exercise, tricep-dips.  While supporting myself, I have found the joy in "dipping" my rump into the bowl below.  As an added bonus, I now have a "poor-man's Bede".  After a few more sets, I'll really be able to use some of this strength to my advantage.  And like the greats who came before me (the likes of "Big John Stud", Randy "Macho Man" Savage, "The Ultimate Warrior" and the infamous Ken Petara) my fall, much like a fire-ball headed toward the earth, will be epic.

Just Not Knowing Any Better

Here's the upside to pretending to "just not know any better"...
When I innocently hand my Mom the chunk of hair that I just cut off my sister's head, she just looks confused.  I don't try to hide it, I just smile because "I just don't know any better".  I can usually bank on my innocence & cuteness carrying me pretty far. ;)

Here's the downside...
It doesn't always work.  And no matter how cute the new hair cut is after the hairdresser fixes my masterpiece, my Mom is still pissed.

Upwind

Dear Mom,
Thank you for FINALLY potty-training me.  I think the beach is the perfect place to learn.  If I could spell, I would have written my name in the sand!
As a side note, you think you would have learned the power of the wind after the beach ball incident...NEVER STAND UPWIND OF A BOY PEEING!  Thanks all the same.

Insanity

My speed = exactly 1 mph less than the speed of the wind blowing my beach ball down the Lake Huron shoreline.  My Mom's speed = just fast enough to catch said ball without spilling her coffee.  As an added bonus, she simultaneously recreated a bad parody of "Baywatch: Where Are They Now?".  Ever heard of an under wire, Lady?  Call Victoria, it's not really a secret.

Did I mention I KNEW I couldn't catch the ball? ;)  That crazy woman chased my beach ball at least 1/2 dozen times.  Remind me again...What's the definition of insanity?

B On 'Roids

My day started off kind of rough.  Not being able to breath really slows a brother down.  Finally admitting she had no formal or informal medical training to accurately diagnose me, my Mom took me to the ER at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital.  A big shout out of "THANKS" to the the awesome staff who took care of me (minus that one in the Dora scrubs who took my temp the hard way...not awesome).
Things only got better from there...
I got to breath in some cold air from a super cool machine like Peter Pan did with the Indians (only I didn't have to share).
I got my picture taken (twice) & said "Cheese" for the lady named X-Ray.
Then they gave me the ROIDS and almost immediately I stood on the bed, ripped the glowing red tape from my toe, threw it to ground & yelled "I ALL DONE HERE!"  The Roid-Rage set in a bit sooner than anticipated, but I'll take the good with the bad.  I think I should have hit the gym for a few sets before heading home.

PS-Diagnosis is something called "Croup" and "Upper Respiratory Infection".  I don't know what that means, but what I do know is I got to cuddle with my Mom ALL day, got french fries on the way home & heard "Hop On Pop" as much as I wanted...I'll call this glass "half-full".

A Bowl Is A Bowl

I am a messy eater...what 2 year old isn't?  When I'm done with lunch, it is usually the case that I must be stripped of my extremely soiled clothes so I can nap without snacks for later.
On this particular day, the freedom of nudity caught me in the right mood & I proclaimed, "I pee on floor!"  My mom quickly shot down that idea & went to put my dirty clothes in the laundry room.  Learning from my mistake of telling my Mom BEFORE I am going to do something, I decided to execute and THEN tell.  When she returned, I had filled the decorative bowl on the bottom shelf of a table by our front door.  I proudly proclaimed, "I pee in bowl!".  C'mon Mom, didn't you see the foreshadowing, and you still left me alone?

Josephine's Baptism

I am sitting in the car OUTSIDE of church, because my Mom doesn't see the joy in my singing every song to the tune of "Happy Birthday" nor does she appreciate my sweet pitching arm.  It's not my fault the baptismal font is so tempting that I have to try to score 2 points.  I'm sure your keys needed to be baptised, anyways.
It probably didn't help that while fishing the keys out of the pool, the seat of my Mom's new dress ripped.  I don't think the "lucky you're cute" excuse is going to work this time.
God Bless you, Josephine!

The B-Show

Just reaffirmed my belief that I am the most entertaining kid on the planet.  Apparently, our neighbors enjoy watching "The B-Show" (my sisters bouncing me like a hot kernel of popcorn our trampoline) as much as I like performing.  So today I gave them a REAL show...I decided to pants myself for the good of the show (they were weighing me down anyways, I think).  When my Dad came to re-robe me I threw them at him like a football.
PS-I have a new favorite game involving my underpants & playing football.

Future Inventor

Dear QVC,
I believe I have something here...follow me for a moment.
Say, you are a two year old boy and need the use of BOTH hands at any given moment, but also need to carry around your favorite lizard.  What's a boy to do, you say? How about the HAMMOCK-HAT?!?  That's right, when your mom isn't looking, find her unmentionables, gently sling your lizard in one of the compartments & place the other convenient compartment on your head.  I think it is going to catch on like those stupid feathers all the girls have in their hair.  I await your prompt and favorable response.  Thank you.
Future Inventor,
Brennan

The Whale Tail

In a narrow aisle in Party City, a very unsuspecting woman shopping for Bat Man wrapping paper, made the mistake of bending over RIGHT IN FRONT of me to expose her "whale tail".  I OF COURSE had to snap it, slap her exposed upper-ass-crack & yell "BUM, BUM, BUM!"
Ladies, let me stress these two very important life lessons...
1 - If you don't want the advances, cover it up!
And,
2 - Ultra low-rise jeans & thongs became inappropriate in your 30's and just sad in your 40's.

Dr. Mom's RX

Hey, Mom...
When the Doctor recommended putting "lots of ice" on your potentially broken thumb, I don't think he meant in your vodka.

Taming the Wild Beast

I tamed the wild beast at "August in Ada".  I rode my first camel & showed him a thing or two about spitting.  His head & neck were saturated with my spittle & there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.  I am the Animal Master!

Being A Dog

I have a confession...
I like to pretend to be a dog...normal, right?  My sisters like to help me pretend to be a dog.  For example, today they helped me out by creating "ears" so I looked more canine.  They were perfect...sticky on the back & soft on the front, cut in an oval, and just stiff enough to stand up straight.  Not to mention they had a "powder fresh" scent to them.  My sisters must really love me.

PS - Dear Parent at the library who judges my mom for letting me pretend to be a dog...I like being a dog!  I like playing fetch, drinking with my tongue from a bowl on the floor & peeing outside (especially peeing outside).  My mom says that pretend play is an appropriate developmental stage that helps foster creativity, empathy & expressing appropriate emotions.  So before you judge, know that she's screwing me up in plenty of other ways that me pretending to be a dog should be the least of your worries.

My Lizard

This is my lizard.  There are so many wonderful things about my lizard.  He is soft & rubbery, so he bends in anyway I choose, rendering him almost indestructible.  He is very elastic, so I can hold his tail while swinging him and reach objects almost 4 feet away from me (including my Mom's coffee cup she "puts in the middle of the counter to keep it safe").  I take my lizard everywhere and sleep with him every night.  Read on to find out what else I like to do with my lizard...

This is just one of the many functions I have found for my lizard.  He fits perfectly in the "car holes" of my Dad's car.  Guess what else fits in the "car holes"?... 2 pink tennis balls, the start of a jump rope, 6 matchbox cars & a bottle of bubbles. Virtually anything you want to cram into a small space can find it's way into this fantastic hiding place.  You should try it too, just don't get caught.  I am the only one who finds this at all amusing.

Elevators

Did you know that you can summon the EGR Police AND Fire Dept with the push of just one button? I KNOW, AWESOME! After faking-out my Mom with some evasive corner back moves, running onto the elevator & watching the doors close on her face just before she could get there (thereby making her scale two flights of stairs in 3.6 sec flat) I was able to call my new friends.

Now I'm not that familiar with the particular look she had, but it was priceless.

Jacuzzi

Spent the evening with a new lady...that's right, my first babysitter.  I spanked her bum every time I did a "lap" around her & licked her face when she put me to bed.  Do I know what chicks dig or what?  She'll be back, they always come back for more of The B!  I think next time, I will let her give me a bath and she will REALLY be in for a treat...I'm am a HUGE fan of the "toot-bubbles" & what lady doesn't like a little jacuzzi action?

WWE Future Champ

I've finally taken down the biggest with my patented WWE move "Big-But-Clutch".  Now onto the old man who brings home the bacon.  I'll be runnin' this place by mornin' IF YOU SMELL, WHAT "THE B" HAS COOKIN!

Teeth

My 6 year old sister lost a tooth today.  WHAT?!? Your teeth fall out?  What kind of cruel joke is that?  How am I supposed to defend myself?  I will have to look further into this situation...

Hide-&-Go-Seek

I found the best hiding place EVER.  It took my mom 23 minutes to find me.  I could hear her the whole time yelling my name, but don't worry, I didn't say a word.  I got board after a while (23 minutes is a long time to hide in a dryer) and started counting, and that's when she found me.  Her only request was that next time I mention to her that we are playing Hide-&-Go-Seek BEFORE I hide.  Details.

The Cure For Hangovers

Guess who doesn't care if my Mom & Dad stayed out way too late and want to sleep their brain ache off?  THIS GUY!  So I poked them both in the face with my tooth brush until they got out of bed.  I've got things to do & trouble to brew...

Meeting A New Friend

I met a new friend, and possibly a partner in crime (the background checks are still taking place) at the neighborhood park today.  Carson watched as I showed him how to flip head first through he monkey bars.  He was a little reluctant at first, but eventually came around to trying it (your welcome to his Mom).  I taught him it was A-OK to lick all things funny to me (but disgusting to my Mom) like the swing seat, a large rock & an ant.  He thinks I'm pretty cool, although his Mom may need a little more convincing.  Don't worry, I have a way of winning over the ladies.

Basic Human Anatomy

Technically, I didn't LIE when my mom asked if I peed on the door & I said "No". Being the honest gent that I am, however, I did have to come clean and fess up (as well as give her a lesson in basic human anatomy) when I told her that "my penis did".  I'm sure this is the first of many instances where my favorite boy part will either be the cause or the excuse for the trouble I'm in.
PS- Mom, the only "lesson" I learned from cleaning the door is that I like the taste of cleaner.  How ya like them apples?

Morning Coffee

As I watched my Mom shiver standing at the bus stop this morning from inside the warm car, I thought... what could I do to warm her up and make her day just a little happier?  I then noticed the bottle of "Mommy's Drink" in the trunk space.  Being the thoughtful gentleman that I am, I decided to bring it to her, sacrificing my own warmth and comfort.
When she noticed me toddling towards her with an empty fifth of vodka, she quickly tried to explain to the other mothers (from behind the crimson of her cheeks) that it must have been left in there from her golf weekend with my Dad. I personally don't think she was fooling anyone.  We all know how she gets through a day with me, and it's not with rainbows and sunshine.  Fess up "Lushie", we're onto you!

Taking It Easy

Today I decided to take it easy.  When I went in Riley's room to wake her with a kiss (just as I do every morning) I saw IT just sitting there.  So I took the red sharpie & wrote all over her carpet & sheets & then on myself.  While my mom was trying to "Mr. Clean" that mess, I rolled the empty wine glass that was sitting on my Mom's nightstand down the stairs (in my defense, it very much looked like a ball on a stick).  And while she was sweeping the shattered glass off the floor, I stuffed 11 washcloths down the toilet.
All before 8 am.
It's all part of my master plan to have my mom committed by year's end.

Falling Off The Wagon

Well, I fell off the wagon. It's been almost two months...I haven't even thought about it...and then I saw her.  Those plump, juicy arms were just screaming my name.  Mom Mom looked sadder than the cutie I bit.  It's back to "biters anonymous" for me.  Sorry Mommy (and the cute little nugget girl that has become my latest victim).

Metal Ta-Ta's

In the quiet of the peaceful Cascade Library, I calmly climbed upon the bronze "mother reading" sculpture's lap, gently kissed her nose & said "I give kisses".  In true Brennan form, I then screamed 'BOOBIES" and banged on her metal ta-ta's like steel drums.  That never gets old...even on fake ones!

Public Nudity

I think all of those strict laws on public nudity need some tweeking.  For example...when I escape after my bath & run outside in the buff, the reaction (especially from my Mom) should be happy & not mortified.  Can I get a "Hell Ya" from all of my fellow Bros who just need a little air...

The Power of Knuckles

I just left the Grand Rapids Childrens Museum & went to Memorial Park for a snack with my Mom & sister.  Instead of sitting next to them, I parked it next to the nice man who just got out of the "bath" (my mom keeps calling it a "reflection pool", though) who was talking to himself.  He asked me for a dollar, so I gave him my goldfish crackers.  He asked my mom why I wasn't affraid of him, so I gave him knuckles.  I think he likes me.

Dessert

Raise your hand if you recognize the flaw(s) in this negotiation...
(Mom) "You can't have a popsicle until all of the pizza is gone off of your plate."
Aside from the obvious nutritional flaw, my mom didn't see that putting all of my dinner under my plate was an option.  Thanks for dessert.  B=1, Mom=0.

All Gone

It has been sheer joy for me watching my Mom pull clothes out of the washer with more stains on them then when they went it.  But today, unfortunately, she discovered secret to my "all gone" trick...she caught me putting my chewed up food into my hoodie pockets and smashing it down (to make sure it didn't drop out until the intended time, of course).  I'm sure she thought with my husky physique I MUST be eating it all.  I guess the gig's up.  Now to think of something she would enjoy just as much...

Salesmen

How long does it take a "miracle cleaner" salesman's to pitch his crappy product?  Approximately the same length of time it takes me to color my face with green marker & use sparkly purple butterfly stickers as pasties.  Give or take a second or two.  Serves you right for listening to that garbage, Mom.

Gravity

I wonder why God created gravity if he didn't want me to spit in the air and try to catch it in my mouth?  Or why He created windows if he didn't want them licked?  Or how about door handles (not knobs, I haven't mastered them yet) if I wasn't supposed to use them to escape.  I think I'm the funniest thing in the world when I accomplish any or all of the above...my mom, not so much.

Happy Fathers Day

Wished my Daddy-O a "Happy Fathers Day" by crawling up the covers, from the foot of the bed, and giving him "knuckles"...his cries of delight were an indication of how much he enjoyed it.  Funny thing, though, his "knuckles" were a lot softer than I remember.  Oh well.  HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO THE COOLEST WRESTLING PARTNER AND BEST DAD EVER!

Smoking Car

I wonder why it took a 2 year old (me) to point out to a grown-up (my mom) that large plumes of smoke were rising from the hood of her car?  I kept chanting, "'Moke, 'Moke, 'Moke" until she understood.  Isn't that what that "H" gauge on the instrument panel is for? C'mon, Mom.  Next question...why is my Dad rewarding her for her obliviousness with a new car?  Adults are just silly.

Nose Picking

I am a nose picker.  I like it & I don't care if you think it's gross.  I KNOW it's gross, that's why I do it.  Don't like it, quit making such a big deal out of it & more importantly, quit looking.  My mom makes a big deal out of it, so I do it more...so there.  It's my defense mechanism, much like the skunks putrid ass-stink, I repel you with my grossness, then I charm you with my smile & you have no idea how to feel about me.
I'm 2 & that's how I roll.

President of VBS

Today I started VBS in the childcare room and quickly realized I have the necessary leadership skills to rule the world!  The other kids follow me everywhere, I spit wherever I want, I jump on the volunteer helpers at will and can scale the counter tops to distribute snacks to my minions whenever I see fit.  I think I will start my bid for the 2056 Presidential campaign soon (& ruler of the free world not long after that).

Not All Balls Bounce

Today I DISCOVERED two very important lessons...
1- Glass garden gazing balls DON'T  bounce.
2- When my Nanna says "Oh, Brennan" after I DISCOVER something new, she just smiles and hugs me (just like my mom) because new discoveries are how I roll.
I should have said 3 very important lessons...
3- I got these chicks wrapped around my little finger.

Moon Boots

I am wearing green golf club cozies as boots (complete with a 3 & a 5 on the bottom of them) and a "turtle fur" today.  "Why?"...that's what my mom keeps saying.  They are like little moon boots, literally, because I can jump so high with them on it's like I'm on the moon.  Silly questions get silly answers...quit asking a 2 year old "why?".

The Cat-Call

Today I learned the art (and joy) of the cat-call.  Usually "hey-baby" is meant for actual babies, but today discovered it works on blond 20-somethings in tight, low-cut, v-neck t-shirts too.  After "hey, babying" her, she bopped over energetically & gave me some requested knuckles.  She then noticed how cute my chunky cheeks were (naturally) and bent down to squeeze them. Without pause, I yelled "BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS!" and slapped at her milk-makers hysterically.  She found that adorable, too.  Come on ladies, it's too easy.

Chivalry

Just when you think all is lost...while walking in the mall I spot a hot little number holding her mom's hand outside Gymboree & make a B-line for her.  Before my mom could reach me, I grasp her hand, get down on one knee and ever to delicately kiss her hand.  Just as my mom gets there (with a puzzled yet concerned look on her face) I gently stroke her cheek and kiss her forehead.  Her mom is in awe of the sweet angel that I am (I call it my A-Game). Not everyone knows the rep I have established at multiple gyms in the area, so I've still got a chance with some of the ladies.

Biting

My sister suggested taking me to "the most magical place on earth and wishing upon a star" that I stop biting so we don't get kicked out of another gym.  As brilliant a marketing sceme as Disney has, I think she will need more than a cricket with a top-hat to break this guy.

Finding Holes

Do you have any idea just how many things I can fit into the multiple holes on my face? A LOT!  I started the morning inserting a green M&M into my nose.  After my mom fished it out, she threw it in the garbage.  That's right, a perfectly good M&M, gone.  She thinks that will "cure" me of this new found fun-time, dream on sister.
I then lodged a soft shell corn tortilla into my eye contact lense-style.
I'll keep her guessing which orifice is next...

The Pool...The Pool Bubbles

I love the pool!  Actually, I love the bubble blowers in the pool.  While standing on the bench, they are perfectly place for maximum satisfaction. If you think I can't stay in one place for too long, put me in front of one of those happy-makers and my grossly satisfied smile will prove you wrong.

Egg Balls

Do you know how long it takes my mom to wash her hands in the bathroom right next to the kitchen?  The same amount of time it takes me to throw 10 eggs across the kitchen & watch them splat on the island...approximately.  I happily handed my mom the 11th egg when she came back and proudly said, "Egg-Balls!" Why would they be shaped like a ball if I wasn't meant to throw them?

The Shower

Today I thought, "what would happen if I opened the shower door while holding the sprayer oozie-style?"  And much to my delight, I discovered that the water reaches all the way across the bathroom.  I filled the garbage can about 2 inches, sprayed out the window & then used the toilet seat cover as a target. My mom was clearly amazed at how wet things could get in only 30 seconds & no doubt thankful that I started her much-needed cleaning process.  I'm sure she will thank me later...

Intro

Welcome to the B-Blog...a summary of life as a 2 year old (told from my perspective) so you can appreciate all of the fun we have (or use it as a form of birth control...your choice).