Future Inventor

Dear QVC,
I believe I have something here...follow me for a moment.
Say, you are a two year old boy and need the use of BOTH hands at any given moment, but also need to carry around your favorite lizard.  What's a boy to do, you say? How about the HAMMOCK-HAT?!?  That's right, when your mom isn't looking, find her unmentionables, gently sling your lizard in one of the compartments & place the other convenient compartment on your head.  I think it is going to catch on like those stupid feathers all the girls have in their hair.  I await your prompt and favorable response.  Thank you.
Future Inventor,
Brennan

The Whale Tail

In a narrow aisle in Party City, a very unsuspecting woman shopping for Bat Man wrapping paper, made the mistake of bending over RIGHT IN FRONT of me to expose her "whale tail".  I OF COURSE had to snap it, slap her exposed upper-ass-crack & yell "BUM, BUM, BUM!"
Ladies, let me stress these two very important life lessons...
1 - If you don't want the advances, cover it up!
And,
2 - Ultra low-rise jeans & thongs became inappropriate in your 30's and just sad in your 40's.

Dr. Mom's RX

Hey, Mom...
When the Doctor recommended putting "lots of ice" on your potentially broken thumb, I don't think he meant in your vodka.

Taming the Wild Beast

I tamed the wild beast at "August in Ada".  I rode my first camel & showed him a thing or two about spitting.  His head & neck were saturated with my spittle & there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.  I am the Animal Master!