Smoking Car

I wonder why it took a 2 year old (me) to point out to a grown-up (my mom) that large plumes of smoke were rising from the hood of her car?  I kept chanting, "'Moke, 'Moke, 'Moke" until she understood.  Isn't that what that "H" gauge on the instrument panel is for? C'mon, Mom.  Next question...why is my Dad rewarding her for her obliviousness with a new car?  Adults are just silly.

Nose Picking

I am a nose picker.  I like it & I don't care if you think it's gross.  I KNOW it's gross, that's why I do it.  Don't like it, quit making such a big deal out of it & more importantly, quit looking.  My mom makes a big deal out of it, so I do it more...so there.  It's my defense mechanism, much like the skunks putrid ass-stink, I repel you with my grossness, then I charm you with my smile & you have no idea how to feel about me.
I'm 2 & that's how I roll.

President of VBS

Today I started VBS in the childcare room and quickly realized I have the necessary leadership skills to rule the world!  The other kids follow me everywhere, I spit wherever I want, I jump on the volunteer helpers at will and can scale the counter tops to distribute snacks to my minions whenever I see fit.  I think I will start my bid for the 2056 Presidential campaign soon (& ruler of the free world not long after that).

Not All Balls Bounce

Today I DISCOVERED two very important lessons...
1- Glass garden gazing balls DON'T  bounce.
2- When my Nanna says "Oh, Brennan" after I DISCOVER something new, she just smiles and hugs me (just like my mom) because new discoveries are how I roll.
I should have said 3 very important lessons...
3- I got these chicks wrapped around my little finger.

Moon Boots

I am wearing green golf club cozies as boots (complete with a 3 & a 5 on the bottom of them) and a "turtle fur" today.  "Why?"...that's what my mom keeps saying.  They are like little moon boots, literally, because I can jump so high with them on it's like I'm on the moon.  Silly questions get silly answers...quit asking a 2 year old "why?".

The Cat-Call

Today I learned the art (and joy) of the cat-call.  Usually "hey-baby" is meant for actual babies, but today discovered it works on blond 20-somethings in tight, low-cut, v-neck t-shirts too.  After "hey, babying" her, she bopped over energetically & gave me some requested knuckles.  She then noticed how cute my chunky cheeks were (naturally) and bent down to squeeze them. Without pause, I yelled "BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS!" and slapped at her milk-makers hysterically.  She found that adorable, too.  Come on ladies, it's too easy.

Chivalry

Just when you think all is lost...while walking in the mall I spot a hot little number holding her mom's hand outside Gymboree & make a B-line for her.  Before my mom could reach me, I grasp her hand, get down on one knee and ever to delicately kiss her hand.  Just as my mom gets there (with a puzzled yet concerned look on her face) I gently stroke her cheek and kiss her forehead.  Her mom is in awe of the sweet angel that I am (I call it my A-Game). Not everyone knows the rep I have established at multiple gyms in the area, so I've still got a chance with some of the ladies.