As many of you know, I am the youngest of three children, with two older sisters. I am also the product of a habitually-overcommitting-stay-at-home-mom who spends most of her time with other moms of the like.
That being said, I am in touch with my feminine, nurturing side.
So with half a doll shoved underneath my shirt, the other half dangling out, and my head held high because I love all the attention, I trotted my confident behind into Costco pretending “I have a baby in my tummy”.
Ask any expectant mother, and they will tell you that when the baby decides “it’s time”, there’s not much you can do other than let nature take over.
A slightly lesser known fact, is when a pretend baby decides “it’s time”, nature AND drama take over, and there’s no telling what will happen.
So while at the first free sample station, things got really interesting when my baby decided “it was time”.
I took one bite of a nuclear-hot rice, bean and cheese burrito, layed down in the extra-long cart seat and yelled, “HOLY-MOLY GUACAMOLE!”
The poor Costco sample-giver thought I had caught on fire and rushed over to make sure I was ok. My questioning Mom, on the other hand, was slightly more discerning in her empathy.
After some louder-than-necessary yells, I proudly announced “MY BABY DECIDED TO BE BORN!” and pulled the floppy figure from under my shirt. I quickly swaddled her in the pink gingham blanket I brought and gently kissed her plastic cheek as any adoring new mother would.
My Mom just smiled.
But after ignoring “the looks” we got while walking into the store, dismissing the disapproving “greater” who criticized “a boy having a doll”, it was the overzealous religious extremist that brought out the “Mama Bear” alter-ego that lies deep within my protective Mother’s brain.
She actually allowed that long-skirted, crazy-eyed, finger-pointer with four kids in tow to get in a few words about being “tolerant to Satan’s gay teachings” until she did something I don’t think anyone saw coming.
She actually hugged that crazy bitch.
With a big smile on her face, she hugged her and said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you are so ignorant. Have a blessed day.”
As we walked away, the already sour-faced woman’s look went from anger to complete confusion.
She was almost as confused as me. I just sat there in silence holding my baby while my Mom just smiled at me.
I don’t know much about being a Mommy, but now that I have a baby of my own, I think I might let her be anything she wants...and just smile.
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