The “puppy dog” eyes, the innocent smile, the irrefutable logic…that’s right in my wheel house!
Additionally, this is an area my Mother is severely lacking. She’s more of the “blabber, blabber, blabber, nonsense, pleading, blabber” kind of gal.
But when you get clocked going 87 mph in a 70 mph zone, you really should know your strengths (and your weaknesses) and just turn the situation over to a pro and watch the magic happen. Of course, my Mother did not, and tried to take matters into her own inept plea bargaining hands.
I let her carry on for just long enough until I determined an intervention was necessary. Conveniently, I was seated directly behind my Mother in the driver seat, and could roll down my window to address the friendly Ingham County Officer personally.
I figured there was no need for introductions, so I cut to the chase…
“Why my Mom yell when she see you? Why you talk to my Mommy? Why you not in you car? What you doing?”
Officer: “I am explaining to your Mommy the dangers of going too fast, especially with children in the car. It’s very bad.”
Me: “My Mommy not bad.”
Officer: “Your Mommy was going too fast, but I am just talking to her about it.”
Me: “You shirt is brown like poopy.”
Officer: “What?”
Me: “I NO LIKE YOU! YOU POOPY!”
Unnecessary interjection from my Mother…”Ha? You have kids?”
Officer: “No. I’ll be right back.”
Upon his return, my window had been forcibly rolled-up, my Mother was the recipient of one speeding ticket as well as a lecture on teaching her children to respect authority.
Of course, that same lecture was handed down to me. Luckily, my strategic seating arrangement prevented her from reaching me, so I was only subjected to her “blabber, blabber, blabber, nonsense, pleading, blabber.”
And as I’ve mentioned, the effectiveness of that speech is less than successful.
I did, however, learn a very important lesson that day:
Insulting an officer of the law is not the route you want to take when trying to finagle your way out of a ticket. Conversely, if your goal is to throw out gratuitous insults and potty talk to watch someone else try to finagle out of a ticket because you know there are no real consequences that can be imparted on you just for being hilarious…then carry on soldier.
