Monday, March 26, 2012
Tub Time
I am secure enough in my masculinity to confess that I love the tub, but I really love the bubbles that go along with the tub.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
3...2...1...BLAST OFF!
Frankly, I can’t think of a more appropriate date for my birthday. Three years ago, on 3/21, I came into this world like a bat out of Hell, and haven’t stopped to look back (which, from what I’ve heard, I wouldn’t have wanted to see anyways).
I have spent the last three years preparing my family, friends, and the world for what is to come under the reign of Brennan. Giving everyone a little taste of life with Master-B at the helm has been eventful, entertaining and downright hilarious for all to see and experience.
Raise your pints and toast to the life you once knew, because in 2056, on my 47th birthday, you will be captivated and entranced by the slogan “B-4-P In The Land Of The Free!”
So enjoy another year of what The-B and The-Blogs have to offer. Because if 2 was good, 3 will be awesome! Hold on and enjoy the ride, it only gets better from here!
PS – Happy Birthday to the twin I left behind. Our family thinks it was God’s Plan that I was all this world could handle, but together I know we would have ruled the world, Brother!
I have spent the last three years preparing my family, friends, and the world for what is to come under the reign of Brennan. Giving everyone a little taste of life with Master-B at the helm has been eventful, entertaining and downright hilarious for all to see and experience.
Raise your pints and toast to the life you once knew, because in 2056, on my 47th birthday, you will be captivated and entranced by the slogan “B-4-P In The Land Of The Free!”
So enjoy another year of what The-B and The-Blogs have to offer. Because if 2 was good, 3 will be awesome! Hold on and enjoy the ride, it only gets better from here!
PS – Happy Birthday to the twin I left behind. Our family thinks it was God’s Plan that I was all this world could handle, but together I know we would have ruled the world, Brother!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Goodbye Terrible Twos!
Today is my last day of being 2. I’ve heard this year is called “The Terrible Twos”, so I’ve decided to send it out in a similar style to which I’ve lived it…full throttle.
Since the moment I rolled my aggressive behind out of bed this morning, I’ve been a complete nuisance, irrationally naughty, and downright angry.
I’m sure my Mom is thinking this all ends tomorrow…I’ll be 3, after all!
I say, just wait. The only difference is I’ll be bigger, older, smarter, stronger, and know more words (and not the kind you were hoping I knew).
In a nutshell, take my age of 2, multiply it by 6, subtract 3 then take the square root and you have one of two things…someone with an aching brain from simple math or better yet, ME!
Look out world, I’ve got plans!
Since the moment I rolled my aggressive behind out of bed this morning, I’ve been a complete nuisance, irrationally naughty, and downright angry.
I’m sure my Mom is thinking this all ends tomorrow…I’ll be 3, after all!
I say, just wait. The only difference is I’ll be bigger, older, smarter, stronger, and know more words (and not the kind you were hoping I knew).
In a nutshell, take my age of 2, multiply it by 6, subtract 3 then take the square root and you have one of two things…someone with an aching brain from simple math or better yet, ME!
Look out world, I’ve got plans!
Wild, Wild West
I am easily enticed to behave during our frequent trips to the grocery store when the incentive is a ride on the mighty stallion “Sandy”. For a mere penny, I can enjoy 60 seconds of blissful and imaginative heaven, envisioning the freedom of riding the plains on my trusty steed.
Then the music stops, my Mom puts me back in the cart and I’m sadly brought back to the reality of my non-horse existence.
Someday my Love, someday I will find a way to free you and we can fulfill our dreams of livin’ the good life. Maybe when I'm 3...
Then the music stops, my Mom puts me back in the cart and I’m sadly brought back to the reality of my non-horse existence.
Someday my Love, someday I will find a way to free you and we can fulfill our dreams of livin’ the good life. Maybe when I'm 3...
Monday, March 19, 2012
Be Specific...
As you know, I always listen. I always do exactly as I am told.
So when the instructions were given, “Please go pee before you get in the car.” I was happy to oblige.
Without question, I took myself out to the garage, opened the car door, stood on the running boards, relieved myself on the garage floor and got in the car. I even hopped into my car seat and attempted to buckle.
When questioned about my motives, simply put, I said, “I go pee. I get in car.”
Naturally, I was confused by my Mother’s disapproving reaction. Put that deep sigh and eye roll away, Lady. As far as I am concerned, I did nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, I think a “thank you” is in order for my obedience.
So when the instructions were given, “Please go pee before you get in the car.” I was happy to oblige.
Without question, I took myself out to the garage, opened the car door, stood on the running boards, relieved myself on the garage floor and got in the car. I even hopped into my car seat and attempted to buckle.
When questioned about my motives, simply put, I said, “I go pee. I get in car.”
Naturally, I was confused by my Mother’s disapproving reaction. Put that deep sigh and eye roll away, Lady. As far as I am concerned, I did nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, I think a “thank you” is in order for my obedience.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Anything For My Girl
Being the chivalrous gentleman that I am, I will always willingly offer up the 5-point harness car seat for my lady Ellie to sit in, while I show off just how awesome I am, and sit in the high-back booster with the over-the-shoulder lap belt.
While the convenience of my sitting in this type seat is appealing, my spontaneity should be the overwhelming factor in the decision to upgrade my travel accommodations. Case in point…
On the way home from a lovely date with my girl, I impulsively decided to unbuckle and relocate where I was sitting in the car. My Mom was too busy paying attention to the road to even notice my repositioning…that is until Ellie ratted me out.
In her soft and demure voice, she calmly said “Why Brennan walk around?”
With that, I was caught.
Come on, girl! I just took you to gymnastics followed by blueberry muffins and chocolate milk at Panera, and this is how you repay me?
Who am I kidding? My Ellie can do no wrong, and I will always come back for more.
So, it’s back to the 5-point harness for me, no matter how pitifully I plead otherwise.
While the convenience of my sitting in this type seat is appealing, my spontaneity should be the overwhelming factor in the decision to upgrade my travel accommodations. Case in point…
On the way home from a lovely date with my girl, I impulsively decided to unbuckle and relocate where I was sitting in the car. My Mom was too busy paying attention to the road to even notice my repositioning…that is until Ellie ratted me out.
In her soft and demure voice, she calmly said “Why Brennan walk around?”
With that, I was caught.
Come on, girl! I just took you to gymnastics followed by blueberry muffins and chocolate milk at Panera, and this is how you repay me?
Who am I kidding? My Ellie can do no wrong, and I will always come back for more.
So, it’s back to the 5-point harness for me, no matter how pitifully I plead otherwise.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Snapping Turtle
I’m growing. You’d think that was a good thing. After much debate and analysis, here’s what I’ve decided are the pros and the cons to this situation.
PRO: I can reach most of the light switches in the house.
CON: I can reach only most of the light switches. What kind of sadistic builder puts only some switches within arms-length and the rest just a little higher?
PRO: The “good shelf” in the pantry (which has always been just above where I could reach) is now completely accessible.
CON: What used to be a seamless pass underneath the counter overhang has turned into a painful reminder for my frontal lobe that I have exceeded the height limit for passage.
PRO: I no longer need to stand on a stool when I use the little boy’s room (which is very helpful since my planning ahead needs some tweaking and I am usually in a hurry to get started).
CON: When the situation has turned to “emergency” because I inevitably waited too long, my mind is on relieving myself and not the physics of hinges. As in, while simultaneously pulling my pants down and flipping the toilet seat up, I neglected to factor in the ricochet of the seat bouncing off the tank and back to its starting position.
The problem…In the nanosecond it took to flip the seat up, I have already positioned myself flush against the rim of the toilet and started to go.
The result…Midstream, my delicate boy parts get crushed between the porcelain base and the plastic seat pinching together like the jaws of a hungry snapping turtle.
My reaction…In a rage I kick the toilet, punch the lid and yell “I NO PEE IN YOU!”
I think I’ve decided the PRO’s do not outweigh the CON’s. I’m sure you all (at least my male counterparts) would agree. My vote…no more growing. I’ll let you know how that goes.
PRO: I can reach most of the light switches in the house.
CON: I can reach only most of the light switches. What kind of sadistic builder puts only some switches within arms-length and the rest just a little higher?
PRO: The “good shelf” in the pantry (which has always been just above where I could reach) is now completely accessible.
CON: What used to be a seamless pass underneath the counter overhang has turned into a painful reminder for my frontal lobe that I have exceeded the height limit for passage.
PRO: I no longer need to stand on a stool when I use the little boy’s room (which is very helpful since my planning ahead needs some tweaking and I am usually in a hurry to get started).
CON: When the situation has turned to “emergency” because I inevitably waited too long, my mind is on relieving myself and not the physics of hinges. As in, while simultaneously pulling my pants down and flipping the toilet seat up, I neglected to factor in the ricochet of the seat bouncing off the tank and back to its starting position.
The problem…In the nanosecond it took to flip the seat up, I have already positioned myself flush against the rim of the toilet and started to go.
The result…Midstream, my delicate boy parts get crushed between the porcelain base and the plastic seat pinching together like the jaws of a hungry snapping turtle.
My reaction…In a rage I kick the toilet, punch the lid and yell “I NO PEE IN YOU!”
I think I’ve decided the PRO’s do not outweigh the CON’s. I’m sure you all (at least my male counterparts) would agree. My vote…no more growing. I’ll let you know how that goes.
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