67 Pokes

It was inevitable…My family’s DNA set me up long before I was born to be itchy, wheezy, bloated, gassy and perpetually sneezing.

So begins round one of trying to figure out what lies beneath as the root cause of my allergies.

Enter, Nurse Mary.

My greeting to my new lady was “Hello, I Brennan.  You hair is long.  You have glasses.  You see my penis?  SEE!” [Good-Bye underpants]

Nurse Mary, “I’m not that kind of Doctor, Brennan.” [Smile]

Step One...The process began with Nurse Mary drawing smiley faces on my fingers.  Fun.  I’m all about coloring on things I’m not supposed to color.

Step Two…More markers & my back was gently tickled with her artful hand.  Still fun.

Step Three…All of her sweet talk, game play, song singing and promises of a toy reward quickly dissipated when I felt the first poke…and then the second…67 sticks to the back later I didn’t feel the same about Nurse Mary.

As a matter of fact, when the required time for me to lay still expired, I sat up, looked at that nurse lady & said, “YOU POKE ME! I KICK YOU!”

Of course I forgave her, she did give me hand sanitizer and a boingy toy after all.

Until next time, Nurse Mary.  See you soon.

Fancy Stuff...NOT For Kids

Mother…Please give me just a little credit for attempting to clean up the inevitable messes that I make (either intentionally or accidentally).  So when I make an effort to soak up the puddle around the toilet, I should not get in more trouble for using the “fancy bathroom towels.”

That’s right, my Mother has bathroom towels hanging in the bathroom that we are not allowed to wipe our hands on (or anything else, for that matter).

Who does that?!?

The issue here is not how the puddle got there (even if I was emulating a sprinkler and just the tiniest amount may have splashed outside the rim).  The issue, as I see it, is that I made an attempt to clean up said “mess” and that woman was upset that I chose the wrong vehicle for cleaning.

NEWSFLASH…I’m three and don’t care if your towels have elaborate embroidery and decorative tassels hanging from the edge.  They looked absorbent, so I used them!  End of story.

To sum it up…

Hang a rag, hang a sham-wow, hang a frickin’ fur pelt…I don’t care.  But if you want me to make any effort, don’t hang unusable cloths within my reach.

The Birthday Present

Let me start by saying, I didn’t think it possible that two women could actually find something to say to each other for three hours straight, but my Mom & her friend managed to accomplish just that and then some, as they were still talking as we walked the car to leave, with the promise to continue the conversation at a later date.

After our three hour “just stop by for a second to say Happy Birthday” visit, where six kids were left to fend for themselves while the moms chit-chatted, I thought I would leave the birthday girl a little present on her front walk.  (To protect the innocent, I’ve decided to refer to the afore mentioned birthday girl as “Mrs. Willemin” from now on).

As I walked to the car, I realized I had not used the bathroom during our entire stay.  True to form, I stopped halfway down “Mrs. Willemin’s” sidewalk, turned around, pulled my running pants to my ankles and wrote my name in urine.  I should have written “Happy Birthday”, but seeing as I am only three, spelling is not my forte.

My mortified Mother yelled for me to pull my pants up as she put on her boots, but I saw how funny everyone (including the “try to hide your laughter behind your hand Mrs. Willemin”) thought it was and decided to finish my “message”.

So enjoy your present, not everyone gets a custom made gift from a sudo-celebrity on their birthday.

HAPPY BIRFDAY TO YOU, “MRS. WILLEMIN”!

Buddy Day Birthday

Hangin’ with my Homies at my birthday party was the best gift I could have received…I thought.

We had donuts, opened presents, jumped on the trampoline, played in the sand box & played games (did I mention we did ALL of this outside on March 19…in Michigan?!?)

Then, as if some Alien-Fun-Mom took over my Mom’s body, she dangled an oversized basketball from the deck above, gave us all a bat & said we could go to town beating the daylights out of this object.  Seriously?

Again, best gift ever…I thought.

Somehow amidst the flurry of the beat-down we were giving this poor ball, Brady noticed something fall from the sky.  On cue, all four of us stopped, looked to the ground and saw IT.

Wide-eyed and open-mouthed we stood there staring at this gift from heaven.  I finally spoke and said, “DAT CANDY!”

Once more on cue, we all realized that this treat had actually fallen from the big orange fun ball we had been beating with our bats.  So I thought, “What if there’s more?”

Could it be?

Without hesitation, I swung like my life depended on it & smashed it to oblivion.

The rain storm of sweet treats was more than we could handle and we were overcome with excitement at the sight. We giggled like 2-year-old girls, dropped where we were & started opening.

After 10 whole minutes of gluttony, my Mom finally decided to stop the madness & she scooped up what was left of our haul. We didn’t care, we were too high on sugar and excitement to even notice.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!

Gift Giving

Today I saw a pretty (what I thought was a) fly sitting next to the door & thought my Mom would also like to share this splendor of nature.

Very stealth-like, I walked up to him and gently pinched him between my fingers to bring it to my Mom.

Much to my surprise, HE WAS NOT A FLY, HE WAS A WASP...AND THE BASTARD STUNG MY THUMB! In a rage, I threw him on the ground and stomped him to a flat death.

That's the last time I try to be nice and bring my mom a pretty gift!

Tub Time

I am secure enough in my masculinity to confess that I love the tub, but I really love the bubbles that go along with the tub.

3...2...1...BLAST OFF!

Frankly, I can’t think of a more appropriate date for my birthday.  Three years ago, on 3/21, I came into this world like a bat out of Hell, and haven’t stopped to look back (which, from what I’ve heard, I wouldn’t have wanted to see anyways).

I have spent the last three years preparing my family, friends, and the world for what is to come under the reign of Brennan.  Giving everyone a little taste of life with Master-B at the helm has been eventful, entertaining and downright hilarious for all to see and experience.

Raise your pints and toast to the life you once knew, because in 2056, on my 47^th birthday, you will be captivated and entranced by the slogan “B-4-P In The Land Of The Free!”

So enjoy another year of what The-B and The-Blogs have to offer.  Because if 2 was good, 3 will be awesome!  Hold on and enjoy the ride, it only gets better from here!

PS – Happy Birthday to the twin I left behind.  Our family thinks it was God’s Plan that I was all this world could handle, but together I know we would have ruled the world, Brother!