Appetite for Excellence

I have very discerning taste buds and refuse to consume anything that offends my delicate palate.

The only problem, I’m two, and my Mother doesn’t think I should be afforded the privilege of making my own eating choices.  (To her credit, I do on occasion feel the need to taste what has come out of my nose and would try to survive on Starburst Candies alone, if given the chance.)

So when I come across something that I find particularly offensive, I have to get creative with trying to dispose of it in a crafty way.

For example, that tall green vegetable called asparagus.

It’s gross.  It looks gross, it tastes gross, it smells gross.  It has one redeeming quality…it fits perfectly in my straw.

Had it not been for my sisters laughing hysterically at my ingenuity, I would have quietly left the table and the Chef would have been none the wiser.

Come on gals, I thought we were on the same team!

Spiderman

Some of the obstacles I encounter throughout the day are really more entertaining than they are bothersome.  Take the dryer, for example.  It serves as both a great launching pad to spring into a cushy laundry basket as well as a fantastic stepstool to reach new heights.  Today I decided to use it for the latter.
Before you freak out, know that I am a trained professional and have been perfecting this move in my gymnastics class for months now.  My coach likes to call it “The Butterfly”.  I on the other hand, from now on will call it “The Aspiring Spider”.

The only answer I could conjure up when my Mom found me trying to scuttle my way atop the laundry room shelf was, “I need be up dare”.

Needless to say, my attempt was cut short by the destroyer of fun I call Mom.
What else is a 2 year old boy to do IN MICHIGAN, IN FEBRUARY?!?

Freedom!

Truism #1: I have been contained for 2 years, 10 months & 36 days.
Truism #2: I am smart AND I am resourceful.
Truism #3: I’ve got things to do.

They knew it was coming.  It was inevitable.

You would think my parents would have been better prepared for my unavoidable escape from the captivity of my crib.  I think they’ve been in denial.

The ease with which I can catapult myself over the edge, shimmy down the side, and stick a virtually noiseless landing is embarrassing to admit.  I’m sure I could have accomplished this months (if not years) ago and have chosen to remain inactive for far too long.

 My once 3+ hour long nap has been abruptly cut in half by my desire to have some unsupervised exploration time.  Let’s take today for example…

After quietly waking from my short slumber and making a stealth-like break out from the confines of my bed, I decided to investigate a long standing question in my brain: “Knobs?  What’s the point?”

Look closely, notice anything?  It took my Mom a few blinks to figure it out, too.

In my opinion, I found a much better place for them. I mean, what’s a dump truck with nothing to haul?

I look forward to sharing some of my other explorations and discoveries with you…stay tuned.

The Great One

As an incentive to listen and stay on task during class, we are rewarded with a sticker when gymnastics is through.  Typically my teacher puts the sticker of your choice on either your hand, or if you are feeling adventurous, on your cheek.

I, for one, do not enjoy stickers on my hand or my cheek.
They just don’t look cool.  They often fall off within the first five minutes of application.  Not to mention, have you ever tried to peel a sticker off your cheek?  It’s not fun.

So when my teacher brought forth my reward sticker, I thought I would try a little something different to entice the ladies…

Teacher: “Brennan, you did a great job in class today!  Here’s your sticker.”
Me: “Put it on my penis.”
My Mom: “Oh! My! God!”

To steal a line from The Great One, “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.”
It was worth the shot.  I think Wayne Gretzky would have applauded my efforts far more than my Mother did.