What event could possibly prompt a trip to the grocery store where the order
consists of: Neosporin, Band-Aids, Push-Up Popsicles & Vodka?
Let me start from the beginning…
During my nightly scrub-down, I was prompted out of the tub by nature
calling.
Unfortunately, I forgot the
answer to this very simple computation:
slippery boy + slick tile floor = cartoon-like horizontal drop where
your melon hits the toilet then the floor before the rest of your body catches
up.
My Dad’s response…“Just put a
butterfly band-aide on it & he will be fine.”
My Mom’s response (after wrapping
me in a towel & smothering me with hugs)…“Tilt your head back so I can
clean you up and then decide if a butterfly will suffice.”
The discovery…My double chin was
holding the wound closed, so when I looked up, the outpour of uncontrollable
spurts of blood were the game changer.
My Dad’s response…”Should I still
go to my golf league tonight?”
The result…An emergency visit to
the urgent care where the socially-challenged Doctor (who reminded my mother of
Milton from “Office Space”) repeatedly told me what a “tough little dude” I was
as he secured two layers of sutures to my chin.
No tears, no cries, just my repeated taunts of, “You done yet?’
“You breath stinky!”
“You have hair in you nose.”
Thus, the answer regarding our trip to the grocery store.
Neosporin & Band-Aids for the care of the
new hole in my head.
Push-Up Popsicles as
a reward for my exceptionally cooperative attitude (as well as a few extra for my
sisters and the Kileen kids).
And Vodka
for Mrs. Kileen for watching my sisters while my Mom took me to the Emergency
Room because my Dad did not bail on his weekly golf league.
(In his defense, my Mom would have done the
exact same thing.)
One week later, a little sweetie at the Pediatrician’s office removed the
“blue whiskers” from my chin to reveal the first of many scars that will adorn
my body throughout my lifetime.
The Lesson…Just pee in the tub, it
adds a little heat to the water and avoids a whole lot of hassle!
