It's been said that it takes 21 days to form a habit...I beg to differ.
In the course of just one week, I have managed to form two very entertaining habits...at least I think so.
1) Did you know that a dining table makes the perfect stage? I do now.
I insist on standing on the table and singing my new favorite song: "Booty, Booty, Booty!", preferably during meal time. I was unaware that a counter-height table would make such an ideal platform to preform, so thank you to all that allowed this discovery (you know who you are ;)
2) After taking a drink of any liquid, I insist on holding it in my cheeks chipmunk-style until someone notices. The first to notice is usually the one on the receiving end of my mouth sprinkler. That is unless everyone notices (which is my preference) and then it's like a game of Russian-Roulette, and the first to make me laugh hard enough gets sprayed.
PS~I think my Mom is secretly trying to video these fantastic new habits because she finds them just as hilarious as I do, but she would NEVER admit it. Keep your eyes peeled for a video uplink soon, I think she's looking to meet Bob Saggat on AFHV.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Welcome Home
Someone forgot to mention they would be taking a 9 day trip to somewhere that made them really brown and even more smiley. That's right, my parents left me for over a week in the loving care of my Grandma & Grandpa for 4 days & my Nanny & Pappy for 5 days (at least they still love me).
Not that I'm complaining about the accommodations...
*I got to wear a diaper again, and talk about freedom. No need to stop anything I was doing to use the pesky toilet.
*I ate whatever, whenever I wanted.
*I learned that "Curious George" is not only a hilarious kids show, but also a useful resource for "Curious Brennan" should I require new ideas when it comes to getting into trouble.
*I had a personal "slave" to follow me around and take care of my every need (Although, I think this perk was more out of fear that I may or may not set the house on fire on a whim).
*I learned the manipulation of Self-Inflicted Time-Outs, and it goes a little something like this:
1) I push, hit, bite, or in general, terrorize some unsuspecting soul;
2) I yell "Time-Out" and throw myself to the ground in an artificially induced fit;
3) Approximately 4 seconds later, say "Sorry" to said soul (remorse not necessary);
4) Repeat steps 1-3 at will. Works like a charm.
*I learned that it doesn't take long for my Nanny to "just rest her eyes for a minute" while my sister quickly turns me into a cat with a little help from Crayola...
As a punishment, I have decided to call my male parental unit "Tony" and completely ignore my female parental unit. As in: "Tony, wake up!", "Tony, take me potty!", "Tony, where my breakfast?" I'll throw the other one a glance at times, only enough to make her feel guilty, though.
We'll see how many trips they plan in the near future.
Welcome Home, Tony & You.
Not that I'm complaining about the accommodations...
*I got to wear a diaper again, and talk about freedom. No need to stop anything I was doing to use the pesky toilet.
*I ate whatever, whenever I wanted.
*I learned that "Curious George" is not only a hilarious kids show, but also a useful resource for "Curious Brennan" should I require new ideas when it comes to getting into trouble.
*I had a personal "slave" to follow me around and take care of my every need (Although, I think this perk was more out of fear that I may or may not set the house on fire on a whim).
*I learned the manipulation of Self-Inflicted Time-Outs, and it goes a little something like this:
1) I push, hit, bite, or in general, terrorize some unsuspecting soul;
2) I yell "Time-Out" and throw myself to the ground in an artificially induced fit;
3) Approximately 4 seconds later, say "Sorry" to said soul (remorse not necessary);
4) Repeat steps 1-3 at will. Works like a charm.
*I learned that it doesn't take long for my Nanny to "just rest her eyes for a minute" while my sister quickly turns me into a cat with a little help from Crayola...
As a punishment, I have decided to call my male parental unit "Tony" and completely ignore my female parental unit. As in: "Tony, wake up!", "Tony, take me potty!", "Tony, where my breakfast?" I'll throw the other one a glance at times, only enough to make her feel guilty, though.
We'll see how many trips they plan in the near future.
Welcome Home, Tony & You.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Withdrawal
I. NEED. MORE. CANDY!
While taking my sister outside for her carpool ride, my Mom left me alone with my NEW addiction & I found "the stash". I couldn't help myself, I jumped right in the bucket & dug in.
While still chewing the Twix and Hershey Kiss, I shoved a Twizzler in. I don't even need to chew, just ingest.
Why would such a "holiday" be created? It's like having "national crack day" & giving everyone just one hit for free. You know they will come back for more...they have to.
Now my Mom is cutting me off COLD TURKEY! I saw her dump the bucket of goodness in the trash...THE WHOLE BUCKET! Now what am I supposed to do? Maybe toothpaste has some high fructose corn syrup, I can lick the bathroom counters and get at least a few grams.
I can already feel the shakes coming on! WHY?!? Just one hit to help with the withdrawal!
Someone, Anyone, PLEASE bring me some candy. I will pay, oh, I will pay plenty!
Searching...
JACKPOT!!!
While taking my sister outside for her carpool ride, my Mom left me alone with my NEW addiction & I found "the stash". I couldn't help myself, I jumped right in the bucket & dug in.
While still chewing the Twix and Hershey Kiss, I shoved a Twizzler in. I don't even need to chew, just ingest.
Why would such a "holiday" be created? It's like having "national crack day" & giving everyone just one hit for free. You know they will come back for more...they have to.
Now my Mom is cutting me off COLD TURKEY! I saw her dump the bucket of goodness in the trash...THE WHOLE BUCKET! Now what am I supposed to do? Maybe toothpaste has some high fructose corn syrup, I can lick the bathroom counters and get at least a few grams.
I can already feel the shakes coming on! WHY?!? Just one hit to help with the withdrawal!
Someone, Anyone, PLEASE bring me some candy. I will pay, oh, I will pay plenty!
Searching...
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Women: Lesson 3
"Everything I need to know about women, I learned from THE B!"
Lesson 3:
Being only 2, I don't claim to know much about women, but this much I know to be true:
1) There's usually a method to their madness.
And,
2) "The Look" followed by, "I told you so" is just about the most humbling statements they can utter.
Take it from me fellas, when a women nicely "asks" you to do something, don't question, just say "Yes, Dear" and move on.
*For a practical application of this lesson, see: "Disappearing Act X 10 + Danger = Near Heart Attack"
Lesson 3:
Being only 2, I don't claim to know much about women, but this much I know to be true:
1) There's usually a method to their madness.
And,
2) "The Look" followed by, "I told you so" is just about the most humbling statements they can utter.
Take it from me fellas, when a women nicely "asks" you to do something, don't question, just say "Yes, Dear" and move on.
*For a practical application of this lesson, see: "Disappearing Act X 10 + Danger = Near Heart Attack"
Disappearing Act X 10 + Danger = Near Heart Attack
My Mom still wonders why my Dad questions her decisions to do things.
For example...my car seat is placed in the third row of her SUV. Why? If you recall, I enjoy rolling down the widow & making my shoes disappear.
On this particular day, in a hasty rush, my Dad put my seat in the middle row & neglected to enable the "child safety lock" on the door. I quietly took off my shoes and grabbed two books. While traveling at a swift 45 MPH, the overhead lights and the loud dinging from the alert system notified my parents that I had thrown open the door & almost simultaneously out went my sandals & the books.
After the screaming stopped, the panic subsided , and she determined her pulse was at an acceptable rate, my Mom gave my Dad "The Look".
As a follow-up, see "Women: Lesson 3, Everything I need to know about women, I learned from THE B!'"
For example...my car seat is placed in the third row of her SUV. Why? If you recall, I enjoy rolling down the widow & making my shoes disappear.
On this particular day, in a hasty rush, my Dad put my seat in the middle row & neglected to enable the "child safety lock" on the door. I quietly took off my shoes and grabbed two books. While traveling at a swift 45 MPH, the overhead lights and the loud dinging from the alert system notified my parents that I had thrown open the door & almost simultaneously out went my sandals & the books.
After the screaming stopped, the panic subsided , and she determined her pulse was at an acceptable rate, my Mom gave my Dad "The Look".
As a follow-up, see "Women: Lesson 3, Everything I need to know about women, I learned from THE B!'"
Monday, October 31, 2011
Mixed Messages
Just spent the evening in the most peculiar way. My mom put me in a Mickey Mouse suit, gave me a bucket, and sent me out the door to go knocking on all of my neighbors door's asking for candy. All I had to do was say "Trick-Or-Treat" then "Thank You".
Talk about mixed messages.
I am now trying to come out of the sugar coma from the 47 lbs of sugar I consumed in the form of full-size candy bars, multiple feet of licorice, and the 3 foot gummy-snake my mom got me. That's right, the woman gave me three feet of chewy heaven & thought I would use my best judgement in "stopping when I had enough". Don't you know "enough" to a two year old is when I fall to the floor in convulsions from the overdose of toxins.
WHAT?!
She spends 364 other days a year keeping candy from me and telling me to leave the neighbors alone.Talk about mixed messages.
I am now trying to come out of the sugar coma from the 47 lbs of sugar I consumed in the form of full-size candy bars, multiple feet of licorice, and the 3 foot gummy-snake my mom got me. That's right, the woman gave me three feet of chewy heaven & thought I would use my best judgement in "stopping when I had enough". Don't you know "enough" to a two year old is when I fall to the floor in convulsions from the overdose of toxins.
Let's review...
1) Pretend to be somebody else. Check.
2) Get a bucket. Check.
3) Approach strangers and beg for food. Check.
4) As long as you say "Thank You", you can go to the next stranger and repeat step 3 until you're too cold to stay out any longer. Got it.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Underwear Pockets
BEST INVENTION EVER...Underwear pockets! I don't know why they are placed in the front, it makes carrying things a bit awkward, but still awesome none the less.
So many perks...hiding my sister's "littlest pet shop" dogs, hanging an umbrella, placing lost change I come across, & the obvious, a convenient pocket to rest my tired hand in.
Like most cool things invented by a man with a man (or aspiring man) in mind I can't wait to see what other treasures it will hold and, more importantly, what other functions it possesses.
So many perks...hiding my sister's "littlest pet shop" dogs, hanging an umbrella, placing lost change I come across, & the obvious, a convenient pocket to rest my tired hand in.
Like most cool things invented by a man with a man (or aspiring man) in mind I can't wait to see what other treasures it will hold and, more importantly, what other functions it possesses.
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