Mixed Messages

Just spent the evening in the most peculiar way.  My mom put me in a Mickey Mouse suit, gave me a bucket, and sent me out the door to go knocking on all of my neighbors door's asking for candy.  All I had to do was say "Trick-Or-Treat" then "Thank You".

WHAT?!

She spends 364 other days a year keeping candy from me and telling me to leave the neighbors alone.
Talk about mixed messages.
I am now trying to come out of the sugar coma from the 47 lbs of sugar I consumed in the form of full-size candy bars, multiple feet of licorice, and the 3 foot gummy-snake my mom got me.  That's right, the woman gave me three feet of chewy heaven & thought I would use my best judgement in "stopping when I had enough".  Don't you know "enough" to a two year old is when I fall to the floor in convulsions from the overdose of toxins.

Let's review...

1) Pretend to be somebody else. Check.

2) Get a bucket. Check.

3) Approach strangers and beg for food. Check.

4) As long as you say "Thank You", you can go to the next stranger and repeat step 3 until you're too cold to stay out any longer. Got it.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Underwear Pockets

BEST INVENTION EVER...Underwear pockets!  I don't know why they are placed in the front, it makes carrying things a bit awkward, but still awesome none the less.
So many perks...hiding my sister's "littlest pet shop" dogs, hanging an umbrella, placing lost change I come across, & the obvious, a convenient pocket to rest my tired hand in.
Like most cool things invented by a man with a man (or aspiring man) in mind I can't wait to see what other treasures it will hold and, more importantly, what other functions it possesses.

My Addiction

For those of you who are unaware of the addiction I have been fighting for over a year now, it's time I came clean and admitted that I may have a biting problem.  It's a tough battle that I fight every day, but I am working hard to overcome it.
I have been asked to "take a break" (my Mom calls it "getting kicked out") from two separate Gym daycare rooms, and my Mom is starting to blame my "illness" (A&E calls it that, so I will too) for the "extra-10" she's mysteriously packed on.
The only thing I have going for me is I usually let someone know it's coming (it's only fair) and then I willing put myself into a "Time-Out" (just cutting out the middle man).
Now, I'm not trying to justify the "why" (although I do believe I have a valid reason for each and every nibble...from self-defense to displaced shows of affection).
Nor will I point the finger at any particular influence.
But...

Lets call a spade a spade here, Folks.
This is an excerpt from my all-time FAVORITE book, "Hop On Pop".  I think the picture speaks for itself.
More critical analysis of this timeless classic in future posts...

Child Locks

The only thing that "child locks" on cupboards keep out are adults. I can squeeze my fat little nugget arm into the small gap & get out my arsenal of spray bottles anytime I feel the need for a little sniper-action.
My mom made the mistake of trying to confiscate my stolen bottle of Windex & I tagged her right between the eyes.
Stand back, Sista, I don't have to miss.

Boys & Girls Are Different

If you've ever wondered, "How old is too old for my children of the opposite sex to bathe together?"...
My mom thinks the answer is 2 years, 7 months & 4 days.

As you know, I am obsessed with my favorite boy part as well as my plump rump.  What boy isn't?
During a shower with my sister, I decided it was crucial to repeatedly point out the very obvious differences in our anatomy.  I'm not sure if you are aware, but we are NOT the same & I am very curious about that.
Then, during a game of "hide the dinosaur", my sister did not find it nearly as amusing as I that a very small brontosaurus fits perfectly between my butt cheeks (making the finding of said dinosaur nearly impossible, not to mention awkward for my sister).

I am going to investigate these differences further...I'll report back soon.
Stay tuned for my discoveries.

Trapped

I told my sister, "be dog in cage.".  The convincing was too easy, so I thought I would prolong the fun & sit my 33 lb body on top of the basket, rendering her trapped & unable to escape.  Super-Genius Brennan has outsmarted the 6  year old AGAIN! Score: Brennan=3, Riley=0.
Don't trust the innocent smile, I know exactly what I'm doing.

Naked Flash

When my mom came in to get me from my nap, I greeted her with a big smile & NOTHING else. I am now obsessed with being naked & lovin' it! As soon as she turns her head, it's off with the pants.  No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I always have time for a little naked flash around the house.
If she tries to make me descent again, I sit on the floor straight-legged, shove my undies between my thighs & clench. I wonder what else I can hide from her in there?
More tomorrow...