Parmesan cheese...good on pasta, GREAT for dumping an entire can on a glass-top coffee table & driving my trains through! It looks like the first tire tracks on freshly fallen snow. How serene.
My moms reaction...not so serene. Way to kill the mood, Lady.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Disappearing Act
She's on the brink folks...
My Mom thought she was going CRAZY when she swore (a few times) that I had shoes on when we left the house for the gymnastics open house, only to discover my bare feet and innocent smile when we arrived. Little did she know that I did actually have them on, but she made the mistake of not locking the windows of the car, making my "disappearing act" possible.
My Dad had to go and foil my plot by finding them on the road right by our mailbox, AND he ratted me out. Work with me, Man, we are on the same team.
My Mom thought she was going CRAZY when she swore (a few times) that I had shoes on when we left the house for the gymnastics open house, only to discover my bare feet and innocent smile when we arrived. Little did she know that I did actually have them on, but she made the mistake of not locking the windows of the car, making my "disappearing act" possible.
My Dad had to go and foil my plot by finding them on the road right by our mailbox, AND he ratted me out. Work with me, Man, we are on the same team.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Dads Turn
During a brief shopping trip to Meijer (there were only two items on his list), my Dad decided it would be quicker to NOT get a basket to contain me. Mistake #1.
He successfully found the coffee with me in tow, and was off to the pop aisle. While searching for the Coke, my Dad was momentarily distracted and took his eyes off me. Mistake #2.
Luckily for me, the pop aisle is "built" from stacks of cases of pop with approximately 12 inches between between flavors. I squeezed my body between the sprite & diet coke and sat very quietly. Watching my Dad run up and down the aisles in a panic was more than I could handle, and I couldn't contain my laughter anymore. It was the giggle that gave me away. He finally found my awesome hiding place and my gig was up. Just a little taste of what I dish out to my Mom daily.
Lesson learned.
He successfully found the coffee with me in tow, and was off to the pop aisle. While searching for the Coke, my Dad was momentarily distracted and took his eyes off me. Mistake #2.
Luckily for me, the pop aisle is "built" from stacks of cases of pop with approximately 12 inches between between flavors. I squeezed my body between the sprite & diet coke and sat very quietly. Watching my Dad run up and down the aisles in a panic was more than I could handle, and I couldn't contain my laughter anymore. It was the giggle that gave me away. He finally found my awesome hiding place and my gig was up. Just a little taste of what I dish out to my Mom daily.
Lesson learned.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Dips
Like the juice-heads before me, the decline after a 'roid high has been dramatic and brutal. I have been a certifiable A-Hole all week. From taking my shoes off in stores & maliciously throwing them at unsuspecting passer-byers, to sneaking up behind my sisters and pulling them to the ground by their hair.
I have also discovered the joy of some new-found strength. Because my rear is smaller than the opening of the commode, I have to support myself with stiff arms while sitting upon it. The strength comes in the form of my new favorite exercise, tricep-dips. While supporting myself, I have found the joy in "dipping" my rump into the bowl below. As an added bonus, I now have a "poor-man's Bede". After a few more sets, I'll really be able to use some of this strength to my advantage. And like the greats who came before me (the likes of "Big John Stud", Randy "Macho Man" Savage, "The Ultimate Warrior" and the infamous Ken Petara) my fall, much like a fire-ball headed toward the earth, will be epic.
I have also discovered the joy of some new-found strength. Because my rear is smaller than the opening of the commode, I have to support myself with stiff arms while sitting upon it. The strength comes in the form of my new favorite exercise, tricep-dips. While supporting myself, I have found the joy in "dipping" my rump into the bowl below. As an added bonus, I now have a "poor-man's Bede". After a few more sets, I'll really be able to use some of this strength to my advantage. And like the greats who came before me (the likes of "Big John Stud", Randy "Macho Man" Savage, "The Ultimate Warrior" and the infamous Ken Petara) my fall, much like a fire-ball headed toward the earth, will be epic.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Just Not Knowing Any Better
Here's the upside to pretending to "just not know any better"...
When I innocently hand my Mom the chunk of hair that I just cut off my sister's head, she just looks confused. I don't try to hide it, I just smile because "I just don't know any better". I can usually bank on my innocence & cuteness carrying me pretty far. ;)
Here's the downside...
It doesn't always work. And no matter how cute the new hair cut is after the hairdresser fixes my masterpiece, my Mom is still pissed.
When I innocently hand my Mom the chunk of hair that I just cut off my sister's head, she just looks confused. I don't try to hide it, I just smile because "I just don't know any better". I can usually bank on my innocence & cuteness carrying me pretty far. ;)
Here's the downside...
It doesn't always work. And no matter how cute the new hair cut is after the hairdresser fixes my masterpiece, my Mom is still pissed.
Upwind
Dear Mom,
Thank you for FINALLY potty-training me. I think the beach is the perfect place to learn. If I could spell, I would have written my name in the sand!
As a side note, you think you would have learned the power of the wind after the beach ball incident...NEVER STAND UPWIND OF A BOY PEEING! Thanks all the same.
Thank you for FINALLY potty-training me. I think the beach is the perfect place to learn. If I could spell, I would have written my name in the sand!
As a side note, you think you would have learned the power of the wind after the beach ball incident...NEVER STAND UPWIND OF A BOY PEEING! Thanks all the same.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Insanity
My speed = exactly 1 mph less than the speed of the wind blowing my beach ball down the Lake Huron shoreline. My Mom's speed = just fast enough to catch said ball without spilling her coffee. As an added bonus, she simultaneously recreated a bad parody of "Baywatch: Where Are They Now?". Ever heard of an under wire, Lady? Call Victoria, it's not really a secret.
Did I mention I KNEW I couldn't catch the ball? ;) That crazy woman chased my beach ball at least 1/2 dozen times. Remind me again...What's the definition of insanity?
Did I mention I KNEW I couldn't catch the ball? ;) That crazy woman chased my beach ball at least 1/2 dozen times. Remind me again...What's the definition of insanity?
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