My speed = exactly 1 mph less than the speed of the wind blowing my beach ball down the Lake Huron shoreline. My Mom's speed = just fast enough to catch said ball without spilling her coffee. As an added bonus, she simultaneously recreated a bad parody of "Baywatch: Where Are They Now?". Ever heard of an under wire, Lady? Call Victoria, it's not really a secret.
Did I mention I KNEW I couldn't catch the ball? ;) That crazy woman chased my beach ball at least 1/2 dozen times. Remind me again...What's the definition of insanity?
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
B On 'Roids
My day started off kind of rough. Not being able to breath really slows a brother down. Finally admitting she had no formal or informal medical training to accurately diagnose me, my Mom took me to the ER at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital. A big shout out of "THANKS" to the the awesome staff who took care of me (minus that one in the Dora scrubs who took my temp the hard way...not awesome).
Things only got better from there...
I got to breath in some cold air from a super cool machine like Peter Pan did with the Indians (only I didn't have to share).
I got my picture taken (twice) & said "Cheese" for the lady named X-Ray.
Then they gave me the ROIDS and almost immediately I stood on the bed, ripped the glowing red tape from my toe, threw it to ground & yelled "I ALL DONE HERE!" The Roid-Rage set in a bit sooner than anticipated, but I'll take the good with the bad. I think I should have hit the gym for a few sets before heading home.
PS-Diagnosis is something called "Croup" and "Upper Respiratory Infection". I don't know what that means, but what I do know is I got to cuddle with my Mom ALL day, got french fries on the way home & heard "Hop On Pop" as much as I wanted...I'll call this glass "half-full".
Things only got better from there...
I got to breath in some cold air from a super cool machine like Peter Pan did with the Indians (only I didn't have to share).
I got my picture taken (twice) & said "Cheese" for the lady named X-Ray.
Then they gave me the ROIDS and almost immediately I stood on the bed, ripped the glowing red tape from my toe, threw it to ground & yelled "I ALL DONE HERE!" The Roid-Rage set in a bit sooner than anticipated, but I'll take the good with the bad. I think I should have hit the gym for a few sets before heading home.
PS-Diagnosis is something called "Croup" and "Upper Respiratory Infection". I don't know what that means, but what I do know is I got to cuddle with my Mom ALL day, got french fries on the way home & heard "Hop On Pop" as much as I wanted...I'll call this glass "half-full".
Saturday, October 8, 2011
A Bowl Is A Bowl
I am a messy eater...what 2 year old isn't? When I'm done with lunch, it is usually the case that I must be stripped of my extremely soiled clothes so I can nap without snacks for later.
On this particular day, the freedom of nudity caught me in the right mood & I proclaimed, "I pee on floor!" My mom quickly shot down that idea & went to put my dirty clothes in the laundry room. Learning from my mistake of telling my Mom BEFORE I am going to do something, I decided to execute and THEN tell. When she returned, I had filled the decorative bowl on the bottom shelf of a table by our front door. I proudly proclaimed, "I pee in bowl!". C'mon Mom, didn't you see the foreshadowing, and you still left me alone?
On this particular day, the freedom of nudity caught me in the right mood & I proclaimed, "I pee on floor!" My mom quickly shot down that idea & went to put my dirty clothes in the laundry room. Learning from my mistake of telling my Mom BEFORE I am going to do something, I decided to execute and THEN tell. When she returned, I had filled the decorative bowl on the bottom shelf of a table by our front door. I proudly proclaimed, "I pee in bowl!". C'mon Mom, didn't you see the foreshadowing, and you still left me alone?
Josephine's Baptism
I am sitting in the car OUTSIDE of church, because my Mom doesn't see the joy in my singing every song to the tune of "Happy Birthday" nor does she appreciate my sweet pitching arm. It's not my fault the baptismal font is so tempting that I have to try to score 2 points. I'm sure your keys needed to be baptised, anyways.
It probably didn't help that while fishing the keys out of the pool, the seat of my Mom's new dress ripped. I don't think the "lucky you're cute" excuse is going to work this time.
God Bless you, Josephine!
It probably didn't help that while fishing the keys out of the pool, the seat of my Mom's new dress ripped. I don't think the "lucky you're cute" excuse is going to work this time.
God Bless you, Josephine!
The B-Show
Just reaffirmed my belief that I am the most entertaining kid on the planet. Apparently, our neighbors enjoy watching "The B-Show" (my sisters bouncing me like a hot kernel of popcorn our trampoline) as much as I like performing. So today I gave them a REAL show...I decided to pants myself for the good of the show (they were weighing me down anyways, I think). When my Dad came to re-robe me I threw them at him like a football.
PS-I have a new favorite game involving my underpants & playing football.
PS-I have a new favorite game involving my underpants & playing football.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Future Inventor
Dear QVC,
I believe I have something here...follow me for a moment.
Say, you are a two year old boy and need the use of BOTH hands at any given moment, but also need to carry around your favorite lizard. What's a boy to do, you say? How about the HAMMOCK-HAT?!? That's right, when your mom isn't looking, find her unmentionables, gently sling your lizard in one of the compartments & place the other convenient compartment on your head. I think it is going to catch on like those stupid feathers all the girls have in their hair. I await your prompt and favorable response. Thank you.
Future Inventor,
Brennan
I believe I have something here...follow me for a moment.
Say, you are a two year old boy and need the use of BOTH hands at any given moment, but also need to carry around your favorite lizard. What's a boy to do, you say? How about the HAMMOCK-HAT?!? That's right, when your mom isn't looking, find her unmentionables, gently sling your lizard in one of the compartments & place the other convenient compartment on your head. I think it is going to catch on like those stupid feathers all the girls have in their hair. I await your prompt and favorable response. Thank you.
Future Inventor,
Brennan
The Whale Tail
In a narrow aisle in Party City, a very unsuspecting woman shopping for Bat Man wrapping paper, made the mistake of bending over RIGHT IN FRONT of me to expose her "whale tail". I OF COURSE had to snap it, slap her exposed upper-ass-crack & yell "BUM, BUM, BUM!"
Ladies, let me stress these two very important life lessons...
1 - If you don't want the advances, cover it up!
And,
2 - Ultra low-rise jeans & thongs became inappropriate in your 30's and just sad in your 40's.
Ladies, let me stress these two very important life lessons...
1 - If you don't want the advances, cover it up!
And,
2 - Ultra low-rise jeans & thongs became inappropriate in your 30's and just sad in your 40's.
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