Forgetting that I was not required to use a toilet for the duration of time spent with my Nanny & Pappy, my mom tried to take me out for some necessary errands and then to story time wearing just underpants. Upon arrival, she was reminded that I will do what I want, when I want...even if that means in my car seat.
True to form, she toweled me off in the library parking lot, put a spare diaper on me & marched my bare-legged behind into story time. Picture this...a diaper, a blue thermal shirt, blue & white striped socks, and that's it. She didn't even bother to put on my cool boots!
What am I, some sort of W.T. baby who snacks on his own runny nose & bathes in puddles?
I have a reputation to uphold! How am I supposed to be taken seriously with all that baby padding? I saw some of my peeps, and couldn't explain my appearance, so I just pretended to be a dog.
She made a half-hearted effort to ask a few other moms with boys about my size if they had any spare pants, with no success. So there I sat, in nothing but a Target-Brand diaper, forced to sing "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" and listen to Ms. Jaque read another book upside down.
If you think this game of tug-o-war is over, you have another think coming, Lady. IT'S ON!
You may have won the battle, but I will surely dominate in the war!
PS-If you think high-fructose-corn-syrup stuck to a toilet bowl via ketchup is hard to get off, just wait & see what's in store for you when I wake up from my nap...
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Caught "Red" Handed
As usual, my Mom was a bit too distracted during the preparation of my hot dog, grapes, carrots & string cheese lunch. It wasn't until she was looking for a particular condiment that she noticed my absence. In her search, she came across this scene straight out of a horror film & no doubt had a momentary panic attack...
Upon further investigation (and the overwhelming smell of tomatoes), she deducted it was merely ketchup.
Fearing that this act may be frowned upon in this establishment, I found refuge in my favorite hiding place, the washing machine. Little did I know, she also knows that this is my favorite hiding place (not to mention, I left a trail of tiny red footprints to my hideout), and I was caught "red" handed.
Upon further investigation (and the overwhelming smell of tomatoes), she deducted it was merely ketchup.
Fearing that this act may be frowned upon in this establishment, I found refuge in my favorite hiding place, the washing machine. Little did I know, she also knows that this is my favorite hiding place (not to mention, I left a trail of tiny red footprints to my hideout), and I was caught "red" handed.
Monday, November 14, 2011
New Habits
It's been said that it takes 21 days to form a habit...I beg to differ.
In the course of just one week, I have managed to form two very entertaining habits...at least I think so.
1) Did you know that a dining table makes the perfect stage? I do now.
I insist on standing on the table and singing my new favorite song: "Booty, Booty, Booty!", preferably during meal time. I was unaware that a counter-height table would make such an ideal platform to preform, so thank you to all that allowed this discovery (you know who you are ;)
2) After taking a drink of any liquid, I insist on holding it in my cheeks chipmunk-style until someone notices. The first to notice is usually the one on the receiving end of my mouth sprinkler. That is unless everyone notices (which is my preference) and then it's like a game of Russian-Roulette, and the first to make me laugh hard enough gets sprayed.
PS~I think my Mom is secretly trying to video these fantastic new habits because she finds them just as hilarious as I do, but she would NEVER admit it. Keep your eyes peeled for a video uplink soon, I think she's looking to meet Bob Saggat on AFHV.
In the course of just one week, I have managed to form two very entertaining habits...at least I think so.
1) Did you know that a dining table makes the perfect stage? I do now.
I insist on standing on the table and singing my new favorite song: "Booty, Booty, Booty!", preferably during meal time. I was unaware that a counter-height table would make such an ideal platform to preform, so thank you to all that allowed this discovery (you know who you are ;)
2) After taking a drink of any liquid, I insist on holding it in my cheeks chipmunk-style until someone notices. The first to notice is usually the one on the receiving end of my mouth sprinkler. That is unless everyone notices (which is my preference) and then it's like a game of Russian-Roulette, and the first to make me laugh hard enough gets sprayed.
PS~I think my Mom is secretly trying to video these fantastic new habits because she finds them just as hilarious as I do, but she would NEVER admit it. Keep your eyes peeled for a video uplink soon, I think she's looking to meet Bob Saggat on AFHV.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Welcome Home
Someone forgot to mention they would be taking a 9 day trip to somewhere that made them really brown and even more smiley. That's right, my parents left me for over a week in the loving care of my Grandma & Grandpa for 4 days & my Nanny & Pappy for 5 days (at least they still love me).
Not that I'm complaining about the accommodations...
*I got to wear a diaper again, and talk about freedom. No need to stop anything I was doing to use the pesky toilet.
*I ate whatever, whenever I wanted.
*I learned that "Curious George" is not only a hilarious kids show, but also a useful resource for "Curious Brennan" should I require new ideas when it comes to getting into trouble.
*I had a personal "slave" to follow me around and take care of my every need (Although, I think this perk was more out of fear that I may or may not set the house on fire on a whim).
*I learned the manipulation of Self-Inflicted Time-Outs, and it goes a little something like this:
1) I push, hit, bite, or in general, terrorize some unsuspecting soul;
2) I yell "Time-Out" and throw myself to the ground in an artificially induced fit;
3) Approximately 4 seconds later, say "Sorry" to said soul (remorse not necessary);
4) Repeat steps 1-3 at will. Works like a charm.
*I learned that it doesn't take long for my Nanny to "just rest her eyes for a minute" while my sister quickly turns me into a cat with a little help from Crayola...
As a punishment, I have decided to call my male parental unit "Tony" and completely ignore my female parental unit. As in: "Tony, wake up!", "Tony, take me potty!", "Tony, where my breakfast?" I'll throw the other one a glance at times, only enough to make her feel guilty, though.
We'll see how many trips they plan in the near future.
Welcome Home, Tony & You.
Not that I'm complaining about the accommodations...
*I got to wear a diaper again, and talk about freedom. No need to stop anything I was doing to use the pesky toilet.
*I ate whatever, whenever I wanted.
*I learned that "Curious George" is not only a hilarious kids show, but also a useful resource for "Curious Brennan" should I require new ideas when it comes to getting into trouble.
*I had a personal "slave" to follow me around and take care of my every need (Although, I think this perk was more out of fear that I may or may not set the house on fire on a whim).
*I learned the manipulation of Self-Inflicted Time-Outs, and it goes a little something like this:
1) I push, hit, bite, or in general, terrorize some unsuspecting soul;
2) I yell "Time-Out" and throw myself to the ground in an artificially induced fit;
3) Approximately 4 seconds later, say "Sorry" to said soul (remorse not necessary);
4) Repeat steps 1-3 at will. Works like a charm.
*I learned that it doesn't take long for my Nanny to "just rest her eyes for a minute" while my sister quickly turns me into a cat with a little help from Crayola...
As a punishment, I have decided to call my male parental unit "Tony" and completely ignore my female parental unit. As in: "Tony, wake up!", "Tony, take me potty!", "Tony, where my breakfast?" I'll throw the other one a glance at times, only enough to make her feel guilty, though.
We'll see how many trips they plan in the near future.
Welcome Home, Tony & You.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Withdrawal
I. NEED. MORE. CANDY!
While taking my sister outside for her carpool ride, my Mom left me alone with my NEW addiction & I found "the stash". I couldn't help myself, I jumped right in the bucket & dug in.
While still chewing the Twix and Hershey Kiss, I shoved a Twizzler in. I don't even need to chew, just ingest.
Why would such a "holiday" be created? It's like having "national crack day" & giving everyone just one hit for free. You know they will come back for more...they have to.
Now my Mom is cutting me off COLD TURKEY! I saw her dump the bucket of goodness in the trash...THE WHOLE BUCKET! Now what am I supposed to do? Maybe toothpaste has some high fructose corn syrup, I can lick the bathroom counters and get at least a few grams.
I can already feel the shakes coming on! WHY?!? Just one hit to help with the withdrawal!
Someone, Anyone, PLEASE bring me some candy. I will pay, oh, I will pay plenty!
Searching...
JACKPOT!!!
While taking my sister outside for her carpool ride, my Mom left me alone with my NEW addiction & I found "the stash". I couldn't help myself, I jumped right in the bucket & dug in.
While still chewing the Twix and Hershey Kiss, I shoved a Twizzler in. I don't even need to chew, just ingest.
Why would such a "holiday" be created? It's like having "national crack day" & giving everyone just one hit for free. You know they will come back for more...they have to.
Now my Mom is cutting me off COLD TURKEY! I saw her dump the bucket of goodness in the trash...THE WHOLE BUCKET! Now what am I supposed to do? Maybe toothpaste has some high fructose corn syrup, I can lick the bathroom counters and get at least a few grams.
I can already feel the shakes coming on! WHY?!? Just one hit to help with the withdrawal!
Someone, Anyone, PLEASE bring me some candy. I will pay, oh, I will pay plenty!
Searching...
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Women: Lesson 3
"Everything I need to know about women, I learned from THE B!"
Lesson 3:
Being only 2, I don't claim to know much about women, but this much I know to be true:
1) There's usually a method to their madness.
And,
2) "The Look" followed by, "I told you so" is just about the most humbling statements they can utter.
Take it from me fellas, when a women nicely "asks" you to do something, don't question, just say "Yes, Dear" and move on.
*For a practical application of this lesson, see: "Disappearing Act X 10 + Danger = Near Heart Attack"
Lesson 3:
Being only 2, I don't claim to know much about women, but this much I know to be true:
1) There's usually a method to their madness.
And,
2) "The Look" followed by, "I told you so" is just about the most humbling statements they can utter.
Take it from me fellas, when a women nicely "asks" you to do something, don't question, just say "Yes, Dear" and move on.
*For a practical application of this lesson, see: "Disappearing Act X 10 + Danger = Near Heart Attack"
Disappearing Act X 10 + Danger = Near Heart Attack
My Mom still wonders why my Dad questions her decisions to do things.
For example...my car seat is placed in the third row of her SUV. Why? If you recall, I enjoy rolling down the widow & making my shoes disappear.
On this particular day, in a hasty rush, my Dad put my seat in the middle row & neglected to enable the "child safety lock" on the door. I quietly took off my shoes and grabbed two books. While traveling at a swift 45 MPH, the overhead lights and the loud dinging from the alert system notified my parents that I had thrown open the door & almost simultaneously out went my sandals & the books.
After the screaming stopped, the panic subsided , and she determined her pulse was at an acceptable rate, my Mom gave my Dad "The Look".
As a follow-up, see "Women: Lesson 3, Everything I need to know about women, I learned from THE B!'"
For example...my car seat is placed in the third row of her SUV. Why? If you recall, I enjoy rolling down the widow & making my shoes disappear.
On this particular day, in a hasty rush, my Dad put my seat in the middle row & neglected to enable the "child safety lock" on the door. I quietly took off my shoes and grabbed two books. While traveling at a swift 45 MPH, the overhead lights and the loud dinging from the alert system notified my parents that I had thrown open the door & almost simultaneously out went my sandals & the books.
After the screaming stopped, the panic subsided , and she determined her pulse was at an acceptable rate, my Mom gave my Dad "The Look".
As a follow-up, see "Women: Lesson 3, Everything I need to know about women, I learned from THE B!'"
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